I have a confession to make. I am obsessed with uncovering new blog reads (okay, maybe that’s not a confession, since everyone who reads probably knows this, judging from my ever-growing blogroll)!

I’ve blogged about this quite a few times, most recently here, and as I find a new handful, I like to call them out, because they are each wonderful in their own way. Here are a few more I’ve collected recently, and are worth a read:

  1. Affair Care: While this is less of a blog (update: There IS a blog, in addition to the web site – see here – thanks Cindy!) and more of a resource, I really like what the wonderful folks behind Affair Care are doing. They are essentially life coaches on moving behind a break-up or affair. And, they often offer up some very heartfelt comments on some of my posts, with stories of their own, which I absolutely adore!
  2. Random Musings of the Wild Mind: This has to be one of my favorite new blogs to read (as well as my go-to’s The Quest for T, Snarkbutt Divorced, Student Mama and The Diary of a Divorced Guy)! Not only does she blog about her own divorce, but also on sex/relationships, being a single mother, and a variety of other topics. I love her writing style, she has some remarkable thoughts, and I really relate to quite a few of her posts already.
  3. It Never Rains in Seattle: In the early throes of his divorce, I really relate to him, since mine is still relatively “fresh” (as compared to some of the other bloggers I follow, who are 2,3,10 years into being divorced, for example). He wrote a powerful post yesterday, as his divorce is just beginning, and I will be glued to his following posts to see how things go from here.
  4. Chaz Recovering: I think I’ve called this one out before, but it’s been awhile, and his blog has some amazing reads. Check out “silent killers” – it’s spot-on, and received a ton of feedback. Good read.
  5. Divorced Women Online: After posting this blog, I was pointed to one more site that I wanted to add here – Divorced Women Online. A gem I was NOT aware of, but can’t wait to dig in. BigLittleWolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy writes for this site as well, so give it a read!

So, there you have it. The latest handful of blogs I’ve uncovered and are part of my daily reads. Enjoy!

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On another note, I’ve been standing back and watching good friend HSC as she finds her way post break-up, into the world of singledom. Being single so “fresh” going into the holidays is a very difficult thing to do (like a fresh wound that you are constantly reminded me at each family gathering, at each party, and moments where you are reminded you are sans significant other), but she’s already showing she has it in her to do it (NOT that I am surprised whatsoever!!). She’s dabbling with dating a bit, and the fact that she “likes” someone tells me that this was the right decision for her, and I’m proud of her for making the break, making that decision, even when there are times she may be lonely, it does get better! I am glad I have some perspective to offer her now, and it’s just proving to me that I too am carrying forth what I have learned in the last year, to others that are going through similar situations. Healing…it’s a powerful thing, isn’t it?

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and things with Pete are feeling refreshingly normal.

I’ve written about this before, but as time goes on, I almost expected things to go back into an awkward phase as our lives continue to separate and be our own and not “shared” but that’s not really the case. We continue to talk a few times a week, sometimes daily (some of it just due to going through the divorce process and talking about options – house, etc) and get together for dinner on Sunday and Monday, and it’s just very friendly and normal. And, unlike a few months ago, at this point, I don’t know that it will be upsetting to me once Pete starts dating again. Now, I have no idea when that will be, or who will be dating first – me or him – but as of right now, I’m feeling in a good place with my relationship with Pete and don’t think it will bother me. I’m actually kinda curious what this chick will be like – in all girly semi-cattiness and all 😉

The one sticking point I still have, though, is just wishing things could be “normal” with my family and Pete. I know that sounds SO weird, but one of my sisters in particular, and my brother-in-law, were SUPER close and I just wish we could all share a friendship of some kind. Maybe someday, and for now, I respect the decision of both parties, because they’ve both been very supportive and NOT negative or bashing. In fact, my family overall has not really bashed Pete at all, something I truly appreciate (especially since Pete’s family is a WHOLE different story – jerks – lol – that’s for another post for another day!!).

Okay, I’m rambling, but these are my thoughts tonight on how things are progressing with Pete. I couldn’t really ask for it to be more amicable right now. Feeling content.

As I browse through some of the blogs I’ve started following, I have a few thoughts I wanted to share – ramblings, if you will – on this fine Sunday afternoon.

First, I feel compelled to salute the end of the “Diary of a Jaded Soon-to-be-Ex-Husband” as he has written his last entry in the journey of his divorce. I have thoroughly enjoyed his posts as they are refreshing yet real and give me hope that I too will find some solace in the end of this. I have every confidence that I will, and some of his thoughts and writings really inspire me and give me hope. To you, Soon-to-Be-Ex, best wishes in your future and I really can’t wait to hear more about your next blog incarnation. Cheers!

In other ramblings…I’ve been reading Chaz’ Journey Back, and similar to some of my past posts, he did an awesome post on feelings and the idea that “I feel this way, therefore, it is this way.” An excerpt:

More often than not, I have found that I am able to push through the tough feelings when they show up.  And show up they do.  More often than not, I can take a “ya, ya, whatever” attitude and just continue on and let the feelings do as they wish.  It is hard, it is agonizing sometimes.  But it gets easier and I always feel better in a short while.

After I push through, and the positive feelings follow, I always wonder what it was I felt bad about in the first place.  Which further convinces me that the feelings were unreliable in the first place.

I post this because I had an agonizing day this way.  I had some things to accomplish and the feelings were all over me.  As dark and hurtful as I can remember in a long time.  I wanted to quit and say just screw everything and take the day off.  I didn’t.  And now, a mere 3 hours later, lots has been accomplished and I am energized to face the next thing on the list.

So, so true! I too get into a funk and it is tremendously difficult to pull yourself out of it, when all you can think is how bad things are, how upset you are, and how much things suck. And then, when you pull out of it, you feel SO much better and realize how out of control your feelings can get. Just another reminder that in the grand scheme of things, life is actually pretty damn good, and could be a LOT worse, so why fret?

Now, let’s hope I can carry these positive thoughts throughout the work week. Wish me luck!

easter-wallpaper-003-1024Just got back from a wonderful Easter with the family at my Gram and Gramp’s in Maine…and what a difference a winter makes! The last holiday I spent at my grandparents’ house was Thanksgiving, and it was still a VERY raw time for me, and my first holiday after “the situation” started. It was all I could do to hold it together and not cry the entire time, and thank God my sister Jen spent the holiday with me as well (see this post for why that meant so much to me!) because I needed the support and a distraction away from me in any way I could.

Fast forward five months to Easter and it was a whole new experience. I had a wonderful time, laughing, eating (oink!) and spending time with my family. It was wonderful, that’s all there is to it. And, my gram even told my brother in law (as they bonded in the kitchen!) that I seemed back to myself – and that means a lot, when even my Gram notices these things. They have also been so fantastic through all of this and I love seeing them and spending time with them.

Anyway, it was just a refreshing day and one filled with optimistm and hope. Now, off to lay on the couch and uh, try to digets all the food I somehow put away way too easily 😉

I came across a great blog post from the Life After Divorce blog on “7 ways to rediscover your true passion after divorce.” One of the ways is to discover what makes your heart “sing:”

What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them?

Why is it so important to be clear on what your life’s purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It’s your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood? Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its’ own. When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life – body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down.

Funny, if I were asked what makes my heart sing when I was with Pete, I would have probably said Pete. And that’s it. I think I might have been a little too focused on our relationship being the one thing that makes me happy – sort of similar to what Snarkbutt Divorced said  – you can’t get it all from one person – and it’s so true. You CAN but you shouldn’t. And I’m learning that – because what makes my heart sing is my family. It’s my close friends. It’s my faith. It’s the little things – the smell of the lake in Maine, the sounds of peepers chirping during warm summer nights, laying on the couch with a great book and a quilt – the list goes on and on 😉

The fact that I can feel my heart sing again makes me happy, because at my darkest moments this winter, I couldn’t even look at pictures of myself that I’d taken during girls nights and family gatherings. Why? Because I lost my spark, my eyes didn’t sparkle and my heart certainly did not sing. It wept. And it’s singing now and my eyes are starting to sparkle, and I’m coming out of the darkness.

So, after re-reading my earlier blog today, I realize it may come across as naive, so I wanted to clarify a few points (mostly for myself – others may not have even noticed!). I realize there may be something behind the “it’s not you, it’s me…I love you but am not IN LOVE with you” line, but what I was trying to get across was, if there IS something else behind it, I don’t need to know what it is to have closure. I am in a good place mentally and emotionally and for me, that’s all I need.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Pete and I have dinner once or twice a week together. He came by last night and over dinner, we were talking about our last vacation together – to Aruba, last April, and I asked him if he was feeling any of these “feelings” about ending our marriage that far back. He said no, it was closer to August/September, and not until October that he identified that it was the marriage that was making him unhappy and that he wanted “out.”

I then asked if he’d really identified why he wanted the divorce, and what really promoted it, because, when we (or should I say, HE…) decided to separate and divorce, he couldn’t give me a reason beyond the very cliche-d “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase, which left me with absolutely no closure and about a gazillion questions.

Since then, I have gotten past the “need” for closure in terms of him giving me a reason for why he wanted it, and also, why he just gave up and didn’t want to work on it first. Anyway, his answer to my question? No, he still hasn’t really figured out the “why” behind the divorce, besides not wanting to be married anymore. Still very wishy-washy and many people (some of my family included!) would probably want something a little more clear and definitive, but me? I don’t need a reason for closure anymore because I am realizing that my rediscovery and journey towards who I am becoming is enough closure for me. And that, for me, is a huge step in the right direction.