I had a fantastic long weekend – something I desperately needed after last week’s sadness and anxiety over Nonna’s passing. Buuut, what usually comes with a fantastic weekend?! Lots of food and wine! So, today, while good (I bought a car woo! Pete helped – nice of him, and shows we can still carry on a good friendship, if I do say so myself), I was feeling a bit guilty over my endulgances, and came across one of my favorite poems – by Maya Angelou – that, in part, talks about what every woman should know about her body, and then, as I was reading, also spoke volumes to my situation as well, so I thought it was worth sharing (an excerpt) – enjoy – and so very true.


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW …

whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month… and a year…


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As I near the seven month mark, I’ve been once again reflecting on this journey so far, and despite life’s ups and downs (particularly in losing my Nonna this week), I am coming into a time where I feel genuinely content. And that says a lot, to be honest, because my life is still in quite a bit of limbo, as we have to sell our house and go our separate ways, life feels up in the air, yet personally and emotionally, I couldn’t feel more grounded and in touch with who I am and what I want out of this next phase of my life.

For example, I went to see some apartments yesterday, to get a feel for what I like and where I want to live once the house sells, and I felt so empowered! It was strange and unexpected, but when I saw the second place, I fell in love with it. It was a really cute townhouse not far from where I live now and I could really see making that into a home. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet, but it felt good, and it felt right.

I also feel like I am much more content doing things on my own. I planted flowers and plants in the garden this weekend alone – usually, I’d just let Pete do it and be content watching from the sidelines. But I really got into it, enjoyed the peacefulness of planting in silence, hearing the birds chirping and seeing the cats watch me from the window. It may sound like little things, but that’s okay, baby steps are still steps and I just feel optimistic about things more than ever, and despite feeling so up in the air on where I’ll be living and how fast (or how slow – let’s hope not) the house sells.

I also look at pictures now vs. the first few months after the situation started and I just look happier and different, more confident, more open. I don’t look scared or sad or alone. I am finding my place in the world, MY place, where I fit, and that couldn’t feel more right.

So, I did it (said in somewhat sarcastic voice) – I dropped my married name on Facebook. And you know what? Nobody *really* cares! I didn’t get a deluge of people asking questions or private messages digging for details. I guess it’s true of some of the comments from my recent post on this subject – that it’s really not as big a deal, or the “elephant in the room” as much as I thought. It is more of a weight lifted off my shoulders than anything.

And I feel better – I like seeing my maiden name again, I am getting reacquainted with it slowly, since it will be quite some time since it will be “legally” changed since we haven’t even officially filed for divorce yet (stupid refinance process is taking a dog’s year!).  I feel more comfortable with my “old” identity back and am looking forward to continuing to rediscover myself. It certainly has been an enlightening journey so far. I think I’ll say “cheers” to that tonight!!

I was listening to Natasha Beddingfield’s “Unwritten” today and some of the lyrics really struck me as where I am in my life right now:

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Right now, I am in a really interesting place in my life – moving on from the last decade of my life and into a new realm of “me” and my “book” is just beginning. I may just be in chapter 1 of this journey, but each day gets better, and each day I feel stronger, happier and more confident – not just personally and emotionally, but even professionally. I don’t know why, but this strength and confidence is bleeding into every area of my life, unexpectedly, and I am digging it.

Short post today, but just a few Sunday afternoon ruminations.

https://i0.wp.com/www.myfreegraphics.com/images/fulls/1libra.0.gifSo, I don’t put a lot of weight behind my horoscope (I’m a Libra), but I do read them on occasion, just out of curiosity. Today’s horoscope struck me as it mentioned that I am “ready to talk about something really big…even if it doesn’t quite seem like it.” VERY interesting to read that as I have been debating and thinking about when I’ll be ready to officially open myself up beyond my circle of family and friends and let “it” be official – the situation – the DIVORCE.

I suppose I am overthinking it, once again, but as it nears the six-month mark (I can’t actually recall the official date we fully decided, but Halloween night is really the date I was told it was over) this coming week, I’m sort of sick of hiding it.

And when I say I am hiding it, I am hiding it from acquaintances and coworkers that I don’t talk to often (I work in PR so my direct client teams know, but not necessarily outside of that circle). I am hiding it on Facebook (sounds silly, but I took my relationship status completely off Facebook so it woudn’t show up single or whatever, to anyone who I am friends with), but now that Pete is officially on Facebook, his status says single (or It’s complicated – sort of ironic…) so it’s really only a matter of time. Rather than being “outed” I think I may just wear it on my proverbial sleeve…drop my married name on Facebook, mention it more freely and feel that unpsoken weight lifted off my shoulders and regain my identity again.

So, my question is…AM I overthinking it? Is it “too soon” to “out” myself, or conversely, have I waited too long?! I obviously won’t officially change my name back to my maiden name until the divorce is official, but on silly things like Facebook, I think it’s about time.

Thoughts??

I ran my first 5K this morning…and while it was definitely difficult, I can’t even fathom having done this before “the situation.” I don’t know why, but running was always my “holy grail” of working out – something I always hated and never wanted to try. Well, this is the new me, trying new things, and pushing myself. And I did it. I’m proud of myself and am inspired by my sister who pushed me to run and to run this 5K, so soon after I even started running.

300_69816I’m committed to keeping it up, and running another race in May, even though I don’t particularly enjoy running, I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and hey, the body benefits aren’t too shabby either, bathing suit season is coming, after all 😉

Read yet another great post by Soon-to-Be-Ex about dating, readiness, and perception. Though I am not *quite* ready to date yet (though, as we know, IF cute spin boy asked me out, uh, I most certainly would say yes – LOL – is that a contradiction or what?!), some of what he said I could already identify with…things like, people questioning your readiness to date, perception of said date-ee and their reaction that you are divorced. An excerpt:

The decision as to whether or not I am ready to put myself out there, to take a risk that my heart could get broken, to date, to fall in love again, and what not, that is MY decision. For some reason when I tell people I am divorced there is a sudden shock to their system, and for some reason it seems as though I am being looked at as somehow damaged goods. And you know what? I am not damaged.

I am not damaged dammit. I am not broken, shattered, or somehow not complete. I know who I am and what I want. Just because I happen to be divorced does not make me any less real than you. My emotions are no less real than yours. Hell, I am part of the cool kids club, you know, the one that us divorced folks belong to. The one where we find ourselves, banding together, helping each other, working through the shit and muck that life threw at us to come out stronger, more secure, more confident, more able, and more self aware of who we are and what we want. You should be lucky to meet any of us, as we know who the type of person is that is not the person for us.

One – SO true – only I know when I am ready to date, not my family, not my friends, not anyone. And, two – I AM part of the “cool kids” club as well – I love that – we find ourselves, get through the shit life threw us, and come out so much stronger, happier and more confident. His post really says it all. And when I am ready to date…believe me, you all will be the first to know 😉