A guest post from my BSF over at This is Why I Date – it’s a great follow-on to my “you’ll know when you’re supposed to know” post – give it a read, some sage advice, my friend.
As Jolene knows, I’m full of random comments. Sometimes I just blurt things out, which can be good or bad. Good because people know I am being honest when I say something. But also bad because, well…people know I am being honest when I say something. It’s all about the way you look at things. But I digress and should go back to the subject at hand.
Jolene and I talk quite frequently about our dating excursions, experiences, and overall thoughts on the whole process. I personally enjoy dating. I love the beginning part when you start to know one another. I love the comfortable stage, when you start to *really* understand one another. When you can just go to each other’s place and hang out, fool around, or decide to do something spontaneous together.
I love the whole crazy, rollercoaster ride of it all.
And I loved it when I fell in love. Yes, this self-proclaimed life-long bachelorette, at one point, was in love. The person who will go anywhere (hello VEGAS!), try (almost) anything, and decided to date half of Boston , woke up one day and…just knew. And my friends, it was the kind you can only describe as “head over heels, heart fluttering, skip-a-beat, goose bumpy” love. I didn’t look for it and I sure as hell never asked for it. But I did. And it wasn’t love at first sight. Lust at first site, maybe. But it grew into much, much more. I was in love with “The Seven Year Man” (aka SS).
It just hit me one day. I wasn’t looking for it – and it definitely wasn’t instant. Several months into our relationship, I woke up and thought: “This is the man who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. The man I would have babies with. The man I would grow old with.” I just knew.
Unfortunately, he never knew. We were both young and impetuous. And while I knew he was “the one”, he knew I wasn’t. He just knew many years before I could get it through my thick skull. But that’s OK. After many years of friend therapy, I realized SS was right.
So one day when Jolene and I were talking about CBE and she commented how people said you’ll know immediately if he’s the one, I thought back to my relationship with SS. And I just blurted out the following: “I disagree with all that hooey. I can’t understand the whole instantly falling in love thing. And I don’t think you should put a time frame on when you ‘should’ know. If you fall in love someone, you’ll know when you’re supposed to know.”
While you may be asking yourself: “Why is she bringing up an ex when we’re supposed to focusing on finding the love of your life?” – I do have a point. SS taught me many things. Throughout our seven+ year relationship, I learned how to be a girlfriend, how to be there for someone, how to give myself completely to someone else and not feel vulnerable. For all of these things, I thank him and I can comfortably and honestly say that I’m happy he was the first one I fell in love with in my life. I don’t look back on my time with SS with any regret. I knew the day when I fell in love with him. And I just knew the day when I fell out of love with him.
I believe that one day, Jolene and I can fall for someone again (separate men of course!) But I don’t have a timeframe in mind. I don’t think that I’ll meet my Prince Charming and it will be instantaneous. I want to enjoy getting to know him, go through the beginning part, and fall nicely into the comfortable, “I want to be with you all the time” phase. As I’ve reached my 30s, I realized that it isn’t realistic for me to think I’ll know right away – it’s all still hooey to me. You need to first understand who you are before you can know if s/he is the one for you.
You’ll know when you’ll know and just enjoy the ride.