A guest post from my BSF over at This is Why I Date – it’s a great follow-on to my “you’ll know when you’re supposed to know” post – give it a read, some sage advice, my friend.

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As Jolene knows, I’m full of random comments. Sometimes I just blurt things out, which can be good or bad. Good because people know I am being honest when I say something. But also bad because, well…people know I am being honest when I say something. It’s all about the way you look at things. But I digress and should go back to the subject at hand.

Jolene and I talk quite frequently about our dating excursions, experiences, and overall thoughts on the whole process. I personally enjoy dating. I love the beginning part when you start to know one another. I love the comfortable stage, when you start to *really* understand one another. When you can just go to each other’s place and hang out, fool around, or decide to do something spontaneous together.

I love the whole crazy, rollercoaster ride of it all.

And I loved it when I fell in love. Yes, this self-proclaimed life-long bachelorette, at one point, was in love. The person who will go anywhere (hello VEGAS!), try (almost) anything, and decided to date half of Boston , woke up one day and…just knew. And my friends, it was the kind you can only describe as “head over heels, heart fluttering, skip-a-beat, goose bumpy” love. I didn’t look for it and I sure as hell never asked for it. But I did. And it wasn’t love at first sight. Lust at first site, maybe. But it grew into much, much more. I was in love with “The Seven Year Man” (aka SS).

It just hit me one day. I wasn’t looking for it – and it definitely wasn’t instant. Several months into our relationship, I woke up and thought: “This is the man who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. The man I would have babies with. The man I would grow old with.” I just knew.

Unfortunately, he never knew. We were both young and impetuous. And while I knew he was “the one”, he knew I wasn’t. He just knew many years before I could get it through my thick skull. But that’s OK. After many years of friend therapy, I realized SS was right.

So one day when Jolene and I were talking about CBE and she commented how people said you’ll know immediately if he’s the one, I thought back to my relationship with SS. And I just blurted out the following: “I disagree with all that hooey. I can’t understand the whole instantly falling in love thing. And I don’t think you should put a time frame on when you ‘should’ know. If you fall in love someone, you’ll know when you’re supposed to know.”

While you may be asking yourself: “Why is she bringing up an ex when we’re supposed to focusing on finding the love of your life?” – I do have a point. SS taught me many things. Throughout our seven+ year relationship, I learned how to be a girlfriend, how to be there for someone, how to give myself completely to someone else and not feel vulnerable. For all of these things, I thank him and I can comfortably and honestly say that I’m happy he was the first one I fell in love with in my life. I don’t look back on my time with SS with any regret. I knew the day when I fell in love with him. And I just knew the day when I fell out of love with him.

I believe that one day, Jolene and I can fall for someone again (separate men of course!) But I don’t have a timeframe in mind. I don’t think that I’ll meet my Prince Charming and it will be instantaneous. I want to enjoy getting to know him, go through the beginning part, and fall nicely into the comfortable, “I want to be with you all the time” phase. As I’ve reached my 30s, I realized that it isn’t realistic for me to think I’ll know right away – it’s all still hooey to me. You need to first understand who you are before you can know if s/he is the one for you.

You’ll know when you’ll know and just enjoy the ride.

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No sooner than writing my blog last night about how sloooow the match.com process seems to be, I HAVE A DATE! Can’t believe I’m even writing this…feels surreal, exciting, scary, new, fun, daunting, all bundled together in a big bottle of frenetic energy. It is exciting to me to embark on this new leg of my journey…opening myself up to meeting new people – whether they turn into multiple dates, relationships, or just friendships – I’m open to it all, and it feels new and fun and absolutely scary as hell 😉 In a good way, don’t worry.

…soooo, my date is with a boy I met on match.com…he’s a smidge younger than me, at 28, lives relatively closeby, and seems as though he has his head on his shoulders, running his own business, traveling, being active etc. Should be fun, I hope. Looks like sometime next week (probably Tuesday), so we’ll see how that goes! There is another guy I’ve been emailing with a bit, so that could turn into a date too, but at this point, too soon to tell.

Thoughts? Reactions? Advice? I’ll take it all

Happy Friday all! I found a great quote today on my favorite Cathe.com forums (for those of you who don’t know, Cathe Friedrich is the BEST workout instructor on the planet – no lie! She’s fabulous!), and thought it would be perfect for quote Friday:

“Life’s what you make it: Celebrate it, Anticipate it. Yesterday’s faded. Nothing can change it.”

I would LOVE a framed picture of this saying, it’s so great. Life IS what you make of it – you choose to be happy, or mad, or sad, or angry, you choose to make your life fulfilled or notsomuch, there is no sense in dwelling on the past, just learning from it, because nothing WILL change the past.

This is probably one of the most important things that I have learned so far in this journey – you need to set your mind to get through the rough times, don’t let it drag you down, LEARN from it, and make the most out of life, because we only get one chance at living. I would hate to look back and regret anything in my life and though there are days where I hate my job or hate my situation or hate my mortgage company and am just downright angry, the difference is in not letting it lead your life into misery. It’s something I can now see in others – when they are falling into that trap and just walk around all day miserable, as if there is nothing worse than their life. You know what? There is – and we ought to all be thankful for what we have.

As my Nonna would have said – “there are two important things in life – peace and health.”  Honestly, it couldn’t be more simple or true than that.

It was a fantastic weekend, I must say. After such a crappy week last week where I was just feeling so down, moody, and emotional, the weekend was just what I needed to spring back and feel more myself. The stresses are still there, but like everything, you just learn to live with it, day by day, instead of harping on it. Stress doesn’t solve a damn thing and I should know better (that was my little scolding to myself!).

Anyway, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I have started uncovering some good divorce blogs FINALLY. I came across The Diary of a Jaded Soon-to-be-Ex-Husband and it’s another fantastic blog that I plan to dig into more in coming days/weeks. His latest entry is a letter to himself, basically, as he’s at the end of his divorce “journey” and is reflecting. I am hopeful that when all is said and done, I too come out as positive and reflective as him. An excerpt I loved and am truly excited to experience myself:

I survived divorce, and should anyone stumble upon this, my message to them is that they will survive it too. When I first started this journey, I was a very angry man. I was a man that had lost his identity, his sense of self worth, his place in the world. In short, I lost myself. But, in the end, through much reflection and self examination, I found myself again, and I grew to be a better human being. If divorce was the price I had to pay for this realization, I am glad I played it. I can honestly say I am a much better man, a stronger man, and a man more aware of not only who I am, but where my place in the world lies.

journey-image-11Wow, that really says it all, doesn’t it?! As you’ve probably noticed from some of my other entries, I am already starting to feel some of these changes within me as well, and as the months pass (inching towards the six-month mark, as we speak), I know life will just feel better and better. I’m excited for what lies ahead…even looking forward to – gasp – dating again. Eep, there, I said it. We’ll see whenever that actually happens, but I think it’s pretty huge that I am actually looking FORWARD to it. More on that in later posts… 😉

Off to finish off a wonderful weekend, hoping for a better week ahead than last week!

I’m finally starting to find some GREAT blogs about going through divorce that I absolutely love – Snarkbutt Divorced and the Diary of a Jaded Soon-to-Be Ex-Husband are excellent! I’m going to be blogging about some of their recent entries as I truly felt as if I were reading my own thoughts in some of these and it’s so refreshing to see others out there that are making it, ending up happy and charging ahead with their lives.

I was reading Snarkbutt’s Post-Divorce boyfriend post and many of his thoughts are exactly what I needed to hear because, in a way, I think I fell into somewhat of the same “trap” as him – relying on one person to “get it all” and make me happy. I never actually thought I was unhappy in my marriage and overall relationship, but I think I did rely a lot on my relationship to shape who I am, which I guess really isn’t the healthiest and isn’t something I ever realized I may have done. An interesting excerpt from his post delves into this a bit more:

I’ve whined a lot on this blog about not having anyone primary in my life, but it turns out that my divorce has made me wary of primary relationships. I’ve learned that I need to strengthen and maintain all my secondary relationships. You can’t get it all from one person. I’ve said that many times before, but I’m actually starting to feel it now.

You really can’t get it all from one person, and you shouldn’t expect to, and that’s something I think I am realizing and why this whole journey is so eye-opening, because I thought I would be absolutely miserable being single and “starting over” because I am so accustomed to be part of a couple. But I am realizing that I really am enjoying my individuality and alone time, and learning about my motivations, my likes/dislikes all over again. It’s like I’m re-introducing myself to uh, me!

women-in-newbury-handshake-webJolene – I’d like you to meet Jolene – nice to meet you. 🙂

Happy Quote Friday, everyone! It’s been sort of a tumultous week for me, being up and down emotional and PMS-ing, and then, to top it off, my nonna had a stroke this week, so that was some sad news and I’ve been praying a lot for her to come through it and be okay.

Today, I’m feeling better, coming out of the clouds of the week, and today’s quote is a goodie:

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

How great is that? And believe me, I have felt this way many a time – wanting to give up, crawl into a hole and never come out – but it is the easy way out, to escape, rather than to face the reality of what you’re going through, especially when those around you WOULD totally understand if you did fall apart. Though I may have been falling apart on the inside, I think I have done a fair job of keeping up a good front on the outside, but still being realistic, not looking through rose-colored glasses, either.

I felt myself backslide a smidge this week, and cried a few times – and I haven’t really cried in weeks or longer (which is a feat since I would cry at least twice daily sometimes, in the beginning!), but as someone said to me, I am too hard on myself, I need to feel what I am feeling and get it out of my system. And she was right, I do, and I did, this week, and am feeling much more optimistic and as though I am coming out of the clouds (ironically, it’s cloudy out today – boo!).

So, with that being said, happy Friday everyone – I am looking forward to a fun weekend with family and friends (and a dash of spinning for good measure – hehe!). 🙂

When I first started my blog, I think my mood sort of dictated the color scheme. As I’ve noted, I’m feeling better every day so I thought a blog refresh was needed. Whatdya think?

On another note, I am still so dissapointed to see VERY few blogs on divorce and moving on…the few I’ve managed to find (after digging through a lot of blogs!) are negative and dreary and not updated very often. What’s up with that? Anyone out there going through something similar? I’d love to hear from you and your journeys…and for those of you that are friends and family, I hope you are enjoying reading my journey and chronicles of my daily life. It’s been fun writing daily entries and reading all of your comments. Makes me feel (more) loved and cared for. Thank you!