Eleven years ago, I met my ex-husband.

At a mall, two states away. With my best friend and my sister Jess in tow (why? Because we met online the “old-fashioned” way – via chat room! Seems ancient now, doesn’t it?).

And wow. Does it feel like a whole lifetime ago (funny, I barely touched on it last year).

Because it kind of *was.*

I realized the date as I was mid-workout this weekend, as the tingles of a kiss goodbye from Doctor Boy remained on my lips, and I felt a strange sense of calm.

Things feel right with my ex. We’re in a good place. We chatted today, and I filled him in on some things, we talked of our families and furbabies (his and mine), and it felt good to catch up. He even asked about Doctor Boy (and not in a prying way) and reiterated how happy he is for me. It was a good conversation, better than our last conversation.

Things feel even more right with Doctor Boy.

Even though it felt like a rushed weekend with not a lot of downtime, things felt more connected with Doctor Boy. The love growing between us feels even more palpable. I could feel it emoting from his forehead as his face was leaned into mine. And when he hugs me, it’s engulfing and filled with love. It still feels…amazing…swoonworthy…perfect.

Eleven years ago was a different lifetime, and looking back, I stand by my sentiment that I’ve said a hundred times…I wouldn’t have changed anything, I don’t regret my marriage, or my divorce, and it’s been a big part of who I am today.  And it’s helped me see as clear as day who I want in my life, and I think I’ve found him…Doctor Boy.

It feels good.

Like Doctor Boy. My boyfriend.

*gasp*

Yep, it’s officially official.

Swoon.

Swoon.

Swoooooon.

He’s utterly amazing. The way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel, the way I feel when I am with him. More than alive. Like “home.” Happy, like whoa.

Simply put, it’s life amplified when I am with him.

And even when I am not with him. I can feel him with me, I think about him often (and know he does too), and look forward to all of the things we have talked about doing together.

The fact that he came straight to my house last night, around midnight (after a late flight in, later than he initially thought) from Aruba (and no, not for *that* either, though swoonage of course took its course…), the look on his face when he walked in the door and the ginormous all-encompassing hug I was greeted with.

A-mazing.

A beautiful thing is unfolding and amid all of the other stresses in my life right now (including my sister Jen’s ongoing recovery etc. More on that later…) and I couldn’t feel more blessed, despite it all.

This was worth waiting for…two years (almost) since my life felt like it was shattering around me. And ironically? Today, four years ago, I was on a flight to Kauai, about to get married.

Funny how life works, isn’t it?

…to be continued (stay tuned tomorrow for some very big moments from last night and this morning that I want to elaborate on separately from this post…)…

The day Pete and I “made it official” as boyfriend and girlfriend ten years ago. I was 20, he was 19. YOUNG.

TEN YEARS!

I mentioned it to Pete on Sunday, as he came by for dinner, and he knew the day was coming up, too, and he sort of just looked at me, and said “yeah, I know.” and shook his head. Perhaps that was the “regret” coming out in him again, or perhaps there wasn’t more for him to say at that moment. I’m thinking it was the latter, more just reflecting.

And, I know these “milestones’ will wane and won’t “feel” like anything more than a day, but in a sense, I welcome this day being what it is because as I think I have mentioned before, I wouldn’t have changed the last 10 years of my life for anything. Pete and I had something that I won’t soon forget, and part of that “something” still lingers, within our friendship. For that, I am glad.

I’m going to keep this simple, and just think about this day, today. I am not sad. I am not regretful. I am not angry. I am not lonely.

I’m content. There’s a whole lot of life out there to live, and dammit, I’m going to live the sh$%t out of it!!!

How’s that for simple?

Like I wrote on my Facebook status tonight, I’ve *almost* never been happier to see a week end than I have this week, I’ve been wishing and hoping for the week to end. It was an intense work-week, combined with a massive amount of packing, boxes piling up and overall chaos and when I don’t have any sense of organization in my personal OR work life, I tend to get super stressed out. That was me this week. ALL week. And then I came across this quote and wanted to take all the complaining about the week to end:

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”

Wow. If that doesn’t say “stop rushing,” I don’t know what does!! Sure, it was an insane week, but there were plenty of bright spots – including date #1 with boy #7 (this was by far, my best date so far, and we’ve already discussed date #2, but I am refraining from further details until it actually occurs!), and oh, I don’t know, the pending sale of my house and fresh start in my new townhouse hovering!

I have a lot more milestones coming up, and coming up fast, that I need to take a step back, BREATHE, and stop rushing through it all. Sure, I can’t WAIT to move and unpack all the boxes and get settled, but part of the fun of it, is experiencing the move itself, de-cluttering, buying new fun things for my new home, and arranging it just as I want it.

And, after that, I still have a LOT more to look forward to – including the big 3-0 celebration with my sisters, family, and friends, and after that, WINE COUNTRY! So, this is my reminder to myself – stop rushing, take a step back, and breathe it all in. Cheers!

Wow. A month from today I will be on the cusp of moving out of my house and into my new townhouse I am renting. Not only that, but I have quite a few milestones coming in the next month or so, it’s sort of all just hitting me now. Let’s list them out, shall we?

  • 9/11/09: D-Day: Wow, I’ll be divorced in two weeks. Sad, excited for the future, all wrapped in one (and, my first EVER trip to the Cape with friends just so happens to be that day. I’m blessed with such good friends and family!)
  • 10/1/09: Moving Day! It’s hard to believe I’ll be moving out of a house I’ve lived in for just shy of five years. I can barely remember much before that – went from living at home with my mom, to owning a home with my then-boyfriend.
  • 10/2/09 (TBC): House closing. I don’t want to jinx it, but if all goes according to plan, we’ll have sold the house by this date, or soon thereafter. A relief and a blessing, to say the least.
  • 10/6/09: drum roll please – I turn 30!!! Of all the milestones, this one freaks me out just a smidge – I mean, 30, really?? In all seriousness, the timing couldn’t be better. I’m starting my life anew as I turn 30, couldn’t have timed it better if I tried (guess I’ll have to change my blog sub-head to “thirty something…” – I don’t like the sound of that yet! ha!)
  • 10/8/09: WINE COUNTRY!!! What a way to cap off the next two months than with a birthday gift to myself to Sonoma and Napa – the quintessential wine country. A trip I will surely never forget.

So, there you have it. A laundry list of milestones all scrunched together in 6 weeks or so. I’m going to take it one step at a time, breathe it all in, and cherish all the changes and new beginnings that are sure to come.

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On a side note – check out this list of the 63 best divorce blogs. I found some goodies (and added to my blogroll) and notice a few of those I already follow (congrats!!) –  Quest for T, Single Mom Seeking – on the list. Guess there are quite a few more divorce blogs out there than I thought. Way, way, cool.