Happy Quote Friday everyone!

It’s been a whirlwind of a week, as I still feel like I’m lagging behind mentally and physically from last weekend’s Road Trip, and at the same time, it’s been a taxing week emotionally for some close friends and family (including my sister Jess), so I thought this quote today kind of touches on everything I would ever wish and hope for, for those people and for me, personally as well:

“This is my wish for you…

Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

All of these things – faith, laughter, believing, confidence, patience and love all lend to one big thing – a complete and happy life.

It’s almost a balancing act of feelings and I’m big on the balance these days, and want it so badly for others, just as I want it for myself, and while balance is differently defined for everyone (I’ve had a few conversations on this very topic this week, as some define balance as the opposite of what I crave – order and organization vs. chaos and in a way, disorganization), it certainly adds a level of completeness to life, doesn’t it?

For all of the loose ends, desires, wants, and needs, there’s something to be said for fighting for what you want and learning along the way. This is what drives me, keeps me passionate and makes life feel complete to me, even when I don’t always think it is.

When I am missing love.

When I wish I was in a different place career-wise.

When I have a fat day.

When I’m feeling broke.

When I’m frustrated for those I love.

These are challenges, but I get comfort in knowing that they are all temporary and I am in power of changing whatever is missing in my life or whatever is challenging me.

Short post today as I just had a few thoughts to share, and just love this quote as it speaks to me on several levels, but I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and if you are struggling, have comfort in knowing that with a little faith, a little (or a lot!) of confidence and patience, life will feel more complete.

Happy Friday! I am off to Maine for the weekend and am looking forward to re-entering that state of bliss I miss so dearly. Cheers!

Just sayin’

Why do I say that?

Because I think I am getting so engrossed into those that are dating (Simone – I’ll take the very, very nice man! Send him my way! Moxie aka And THAT’s why you’re single blogger, love your OK Cupid experiment!), have wonderful relationships with men that deserve them (shout-outs to T, and MommaSunshine, to name two!) and also to those taking chances with potential partners that may not typically seem like potentials (Snark, this one’s for you!) – that I’m wishing I had bits of pieces of all of those things. It’s a reminder that I haven’t found anyone to truly feel love for (or to love me, for that matter) yet, and I want that. Maybe I want it more than I should right now, or maybe part of it is simply because I AM reading about these wonderful experiences some of those in my blog family are having, and I hope to have that soon.

Yes, this is me admitting that perhaps I am a little jealous.

Not in a bad way, or a competitive way or anything like that. But hell, I WANT that. So, maybe I am too engrossed in my blogroll and need to focus on me and only me. But who am I kidding?! I love my blog family and reading their posts, many of which are daily, because on the flip side, it gives me hope that it’ll happen to me too, and probably – and I hate this, because it sounds so cliched, but it couldn’t be more true – when I least expect it.

And as I was mentioning to BSF today, I sorta kinda miss dating. It was keeping me busy, it was fun, and I looked forward to it.

But again, on the flip side, I know I don’t have a lot of time right now and bluntly, there’s slim pickins’ on OK Cupid and match.com (though match.com is moot since I’m not subscribed right now anyway) so I know I’m not missing much in the online dating department.

So, for now, I’ll continue living somewhat vicariously through my wonderful blog family (and “real life” friends that are dating, have wonderful men/women in their lives) and keep the faith that it will happen for me too.

Easier said than done, but I can do it. I’ve gone through far worse, clearly 😉

Anyone seen my “patience pants” because I seem to have lost them recently 😉

In all seriousness, I feel my “antsy pants” are taking over the patience I know I have in me, but sometimes gets pushed aside by antsiness over the future. Some of the things I’m feeling impatient about? Let’s recap:

  1. Dating. Men. A relationship. All of the above? Any of the above? I know I put myself on a self-inflicted dating hiatus recently, to regroup, and I KNOW I need that right now, but part of me misses dating (maybe a teensy bit missing boy #9, or just the potential that laid behind that) and am wishing I had someone in my life. I know “dating” and “someone in my life” are somewhat different things – one being merely dating and the other more about a relationship, but clearly the dating is the means to the end, so I need to start somewhere. I’m not sure how long I’m going to stick to the hiatus, but probably for a little while longer at least. I am not subscribed to match.com right now, but judging from the daily matches I get in my email, I’m not missing much. Sort of discouraging, but also good validation on why I didn’t renew! I know it’ll happen, I just need to wear my patience pants permanently on this one for awhile.
  2. Group Kick. Man, this is tough. As my sister said the other day, “I feel like a beaten woman!” We have been practicing, and practicing, and practicing, and it’s a lot of work, takes a lot of energy and is basically all that I’m thinking about when I’m not working (heck, I even DREAM about it). There are less than 20 days until launch and as my sister aptly blogged on this today, we are still in need of our “badass-ness.” I know we have it in us, but I am impatient! I want the “switch to flip”and the badass to just BE there. But it’s a learned thing, and I know I’ll get there, I just need patience! Wow, I sound like a broken record.
  3. A vacation! Yep, I’m antsy to get out of this cold weather – shocking, I know. I DO live in New England. I’m still tempted to spring for a solo vacation (if I can’t convince a friend or two to join me!), but I just want to explore and SUN and relax. Is that so much to ask?

So, there you have it. These are the things on my mind right now. I need to channel the patience I know I have and at the same time, focus on the task at hand – getting through the workweek, enjoying the Group Kick journey, and letting go of the dating “itch” for awhile…and letting it flow. Who knows, maybe my knight in shining armour is closer than I think.

…hey, a girl can dream, can’t she? 😉

I’m not sure if “reading BS” is a learned quality or an innate one, but if it’s innate, I certainly don’t have it, and hope it is something I can learn. I am not a pessimistic person, I think of the glass as half-full and try to keep my mind is positive as possible, whenever possible. But sometimes I think that gets me in trouble because I take others’ words and actions at face value and don’t think about what the motives behind those actions might be – either for the good or for the bad.

Where is this ramble going? Well, for one, it’s a general observation of myself I’ve started to see more lately, especially as I continue the dating thing, and two, it’s directly related to boy #7. He’s being vague and wishy-washy, and just today, he’s not returning my calls or texts. I thought perhaps he was different, and said what he meant, and meant what he said, but I guess that may not be true (OR I could be being pessimistic, but as noted above, I’m not normally a pessimist!) after all. I’ve gone through our earlier email exchanges, and re-read his match.com profile, and he just seemed so normal, and not “like that” (to ditch and run so to speak), but perhaps it was all BS and I just don’t have a good BS detector (maybe I need an upgrade…!).

But for me, the struggle with honesty, and taking others’ words at face value vs. thinking about what they REALLY might mean, is, where is that line? Where do you go from actually believing what others say because you trust that what they are saying is true, to reading between the lines on what is being said or done? Does everyone really need a touch of pessimism in their lives so they don’t get caught in a situation where something doesn’t turn out as though it seems? Or, is it really just something you learn – you just figure out when someone’s telling the truth vs. BS’ing you by going through it and learning from it? It’s something I ponder, because either way, there’s a downside – a) you become a pessimist and never think there is anything good in people or b) you believe what you are told and learn from it (and possibly get burned in the process…every single time).

So, the optimist in me is hoping I’m jumping to conclusions re: boy #7 but if I’m not, then it’s dissapointing that this is who he really is – a jerk! – but, if that’s who he is, I don’t want him anyway, and he’s not worth my time. Beyond boy #7, I do think I need to learn more about reading people, I guess, and figuring out what’s true, and what’s not, and if that comes with time, I need patience!

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the divorce process is so long and frustrating! Getting further into it, finally, now that we came to an agreement on selling the house, the process is just so long, even though it’s not even a complicated divorce. At this rate, it looks like the divorce won’t even be final, likely, until November or December (that’s my worse case scenario anyway) just because the waiting periods in between the court appearance and the finality of the divorce is four months (and who knows when our court date will actually be from when we file).

I guess patience is  not one of my virtues, but I would just love for this to come to closure so I can really, truly, 100% move on. I am moving on, and feeling really good and positive about it, and it’s probably a mental thing more than anything, but it’d just feel better and freer to be finished with it.

Sort of a rambling post for tonight – and don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry or upset or even frustrated, it just never ceases to amaze me how long this shiznat takes. Oh well, one day at a time, right?