I’ve been struck with dope slaps of perspective quite a bit lately, so I thought today’s quote Friday quote should reflect that:

“Although time seems to fly by, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest.”

I’ve complained ad nauseam about how much this week has dragged and judging from some of my other Facebook friends and IRL friends, it seems this week has dragged on for many. And as much as I complain about weeks dragging on, at the same time I think to myself “I should be enjoying every minute of every day because life’s good” but some days are just easier to do that than others. I’ve had a bit of a tough time shaking that off this week, but as the weekend nears, I realize that hey, it could always be worse, and if the worst thing that happened this week is that the work days were dragging, then I think that’s pretty good, right?

And taking this quote a little deeper, it’s allowing me to take a step back and again look at all the goodness life has to offer. I just feel so blessed to be in a good place in my life, to have some really special friends, the start of what seems to be an amazing relationship, and a lot to look forward to.

During what should be a month of thanks…what else are you thankful for? What do you savor most each day?

Beyond the things I listed here, more specifically, I am thankful for spending time with Jen and my niece Isabel this weekend, and watching her grow and develop. It’s been amazing to be a part of and seeing Jen continue to improve and spring back to her beautiful, happy, fun self makes me beam.

I am thankful for feeling back on track with my routine (mostly) and my workouts (nothing like a good sweat, I swear!), and a weekend ahead filled with family, friends, Doctor Boy, and well, what else, wine…and I hope you all have great weekends and if the slap of perspective hits you, document it. It makes a world of difference.

 

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As uttered by one of my closest (and clearly, sagest!) friends after reading my blog.

And she’s beyond right.

Yesterday’s reactions to my post was eye-opening and made me realize how I’ve pretty much lost perspective on a few things that I didn’t even realize I had. So thank you, friends, and bloggy friends, for giving me the dope slap of reality I needed (in the kindest way possible!).

My friend said to me:

There are 4 major things in life, FAMILY/FRIENDS, JOB, LOVE, HEALTH.  You are one of the luckiest people in the world if they can all be perfect at the same time.  It’s like a big circle, if one is good another is not.  You have to just be happy with what is good and hang the hell onto that. So one part of your circle is broken.  Don’t forget about the other 3 parts that are amazing right now.  You are so lucky.  Don’t look for the full circle just enjoy the partial for all its worth!

I read it almost incredulously because if it were me reading that blog post (and incidentally, in my brain these days), I’d likely be uttering something pretty similar. It’s called perspective, stupid, where did yours go?!

And then Sunshine’s comment:

When I was reading your post it occurred to me that you being hard on yourself has nothing to do with how much or how little you’re working out, or how well you’re eating or not eating. Those are just the excuses that you use…I believe that there’s something deeper to it than that. It seems to me like you’re on a road to true and lasting happiness right now, but there’s a part of you that just can’t “let go” and enjoy it for what it is…you have to still harp on yourself for your perceived imperfections. What would happen if you just let go and allowed yourself to be completely and utterly happy and content with yourself, as you are, in this very moment?

I guess a part of me is just so used to being unhappy with something pretty major in my life (but making the most of it in the process, of course) – finding love – that now that I have it (wow, even writing that feels weird, I DO HAVE IT! YES!), it’s like I am looking for something to happen or nitpicking at other areas of my life.

Why?

Why not just “let go” and enjoy it. Respond. React. Embrace. Breathe in. Observe. Enjoy.

So, friends, I’m going to do it. Enough with this. Life is good. Life is great. And as my sister’s blog echoes oh so deeply – I’m amazing just the way I am.

And so are all of you.

 

I know, I know, two full days without blogging – pigs must be flying right about now 😉 Here’s my reason – CBE stayed at my place through this morning vs. last night, so I figured rather than half-blog about it while he was over, I’d let it “ruminate” and do one big ole blog post today.

So, here goes – overall, it was a very fabulous weekend, but there were a few things that made me go “hmm” and got me thinking, so I’m breaking this post up into a few sections. First, my favorite moments from the weekend:

  • Falling asleep on the couch on Saturday, laying flat against his chest, and waking up a half hour later, with his arms around me, and one of my cats perched on my back (with his dogs on the floor – she wasn’t even scared, that was huge!). It was a moment.
  • Meeting for drinks with my sister and bro-in-law after dinner in Boston on Friday night. The conversation flowed, it wasn’t awkward, and it was fun, and nice to have him meet them. Meant a lot, and I’ve asked my sister to share her “review” of him for a later post, stay tuned!
  • Trader Joe’s and such on Saturday. It was a lazy start to the morning, but with a yummy start of eggs, toast  with almond butter and strawberries (and coffee, of course), and we went to Trader Joe’s and got some good finds for dinner, and did a few other errands together, including picking up one of my fave bottles of wine and sampling a few at the wine tasting they were doing at the liquor store (hey, why not, right?!)
  • Dinner at Davios. It was fun to get a little bit dressed up, head into the city and have a delicious dinner for Restaurant Week. Nice and leisurely, three courses, delicious haddock, good company, and a fun evening overall.
  • Watching CBE wash my trash can. Yep, he washed it. It was dirty, but it’s a trash can so I’ve never done much about it. He took it out, washed it inside and out, and well, it was just a little gesture that was sweet for some reason. Oh, and he cleaned off my patio of leaves and moved my mattress that I’ve been delaying dragging to the dumpster since oh, September, when I moved.
  • Just being. Spending such a chunk of time together was just nice to do, you really get to know someone a lot more when you have so much time to do stuff, talk, etc.

So, those were the highlights of the weekend – we were active, took the dogs for walks, hung out, watched some movies, and made two delicious dinners (Saturday and Sunday) together. We had some wine, we laughed, we talked, we enjoyed the time together.

However, as we were talking on Sunday afternoon, the conversation turned towards some things he’s been learning from “The Secret” – things he’s been working on in himself for a few years. Being positive, staying positive, surrounding with positive people. Sounds all good, right? And it is, it really is refreshing to see and hear that from him since I strive for that too, and have been looking for someone that shares that same viewpoint.

But then, as we were talking about the walk we’d taken with the dogs (it was really windy and pretty chilly by the water), he said he enjoyed it, but didn’t think I did, and that I wanted to rush home, and he felt a little bit uncomfortable.

This was a surprise to me, because I didn’t think I was rushing, and was a little puzzled.

He said he got the sense I wasn’t enjoying it, since I kept saying I was cold, and it was windy etc. And yeah, I did say those things, but at the same time, it was a gorgeous day, blue skies, sparkling waters, and that I was enjoying. He felt that to him, that was complaining, but to me, that’s not so much complaining but just stating that it’s cold and windy. I felt he was misinterpreting me a little bit and jumping to conclusions that I’m not as positive, and complain a bit.

Sure, I complain, sometimes, everyone does. To me, it’s not as black and white as either you are positive or you are negative…yes, there are people that are negative and that can be a poison, but I think there is a middle ground, where you let out the frustration and then pull yourself out of it – that’s the difference between being negative and being a generally happy person.

I fall into the second category and think you have to allow yourself to feel the annoyance or frustration, so long as you are able to get past it.

But for him, he tries to surround himself with positive people, those that have good outlooks on life (which, he agreed, I do), and that by doing that, he tends to be alone a lot, because he doesn’t associate with people that are overly negative. I got a little bit frustrated because I thought he was trying to say I wasn’t positive, and he wasn’t, truly, he was more pointing out that instead of automatically saying “it’s cold out,” why not say, “it’s a beautiful sunny day.”

And he’s right, in a way. But for me, that’s still a shift in mindset – that I thought I’d gotten to, but that I really haven’t fully gotten to yet. And on the flip side, I think he can open his mind a little bit to see that it isn’t black and white, and you can be happy, but still complain from time to time. As long as you pull yourself out of it. It’s still a work in progress for me…but that’s what life is about, learning, and doing, and progressing.

Which brings me to the subject of this blog post – do something that scares you every day – it was inscribed on a Lululemon bag sitting in my kitchen that CBE read aloud, and he said “I love that.”

As do I.

And it occurred to me that I don’t fully do something that scares me every day, even though I do try to – in many ways – at work, by doing Kick, by dating a man that stretches me out of my comfort zone. But at the same time, it’s so easy for me to fall back into what’s comfortable – routine, sitting back and not challenging myself to think better, more positive, always optimistic, sticking to the status quo.

So, that’s what CBE got me thinking about…and I’m going to blog more on this topic this week as well.

And, while it was a wonderful weekend, a part of me came out of this weekend realizing that while on one hand, I really like CBE…a lot…the other part of me still enjoys my independence and growth I’ve made being on my own. And that doesn’t mean that I feel differently in a bad way towards CBE, it just means that I am feeling myself pull back ever so slilghtly, because I feel I have a lot of learning, growing and challenging to do on my own before I’m fully ready to launch into a full-on relationship.

Once again, a slap upside the head with perspective.

This time – from CBE. Wow, is this guy great or what?! 😉

I’m having another one of those frustrating days, where it’s just way too easy to lose perspective on the bigger picture and in venting to CBE about it, a bit, he sends me a very sweet text message that says, in part: “close your eyes for 5 minutes and think of all happy thoughts and memories and then when you open them, you’ll feel a lot better, I promise!” – okay, that was plenty to make me smile and realize my annoyances were fleeting.

And then he emails me a few more thoughts:

I hope you realize that your day isn’t going as bad as it COULD be going…I’m sure someone in the world today has experienced a fatal accident at their place of work, someone in a large city somewhere has been shot today, someone else that neither of us are aware of has committed suicide.  Those are quite drastic yes, but my point is for you to just realize its the pressure that makes you want to cry, its the stress that makes everything seem like it’s the only important thing you have going on. Just remember in the end, when we are laying there, the LAST thing going through our mind is the wish that we spent more time at work, or completed another file, made another call or cleaned another load of laundry. When you’re stressed, try to remember these words and know that the little things that we take for granted and forget so easily are WAY more important than stressing out over getting something done before the 5PM deadline….K?  Put a smile on your face and realize what’s really important.

Um…no words – that’s utterly 100% true. I almost felt foolish afterwards – not that he meant it that way at all, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Sure, some of the comparisons about how bad my day *could* be doing are more drastic than others (suicide etc.), but so true…I mean, we aren’t curing cancer in our daily lives (well, unless any of you are doctors or scientists! I know I’m not!), we’re working, we’re charging forward, we’re getting it done, not anything that is worth getting all worked up over.

And, well, it showed me even more that CBE and I are on the same wavelength, because we think alike…that email snippet above sounds pretty similar to things I talk about relative to perspective too, so it was actually really great to read that coming from him as well. And, then, he sent me a note from The Secret, which I’ll close with here – again, good words to live by…I want to take this so-called “easy path” – who’s with me?!

Our natural state of being is joy, and it takes so much energy to think negative thoughts, to speak negative words, and to feel miserable. The easy path is good thoughts, good words, and good deeds.

Take the easy path May the joy be with you.

When frustrated.

As often as I gab on about having perspective about life, happiness, and this journey post-divorce, sometimes I’m just as surprised at how easy it is to LOSE perspective when frustrated, angry or sad.

Today was one of those moments.

I’ve been waiting with baited breathe for my tax accountant to crunch the numbers for our taxes, hoping (but trying not to get my expectations too high!) to get a return, so I can perhaps go on a quickie tropical vacation. With the short sale, divorce, and only a partial year paying interest (and payments, for that matter) on the house, I knew it’d be trickier than normal (since I usually do it myself with TurboTax).

Well, the initial results are in.

…and we owe.

*at least* $1,200!

Insert sigh here and a slew of expletives when Pete called to share the news.

I was so angry, since it just feels the house and short sale is still not yet behind me (or us), because it keeps biting me in the ass when I think I’m finally in the clear (and that makes me frustrated to be stupid enough to think that maybe it wasn’t yet behind me!), and it’s the one last piece of the “life that was” that I just want to finally leave behind.

(and for the record, I may have also sugggested, half in jest, that Pete pay the taxes since he decided to divorce me. That was met with dead silence and the verge of “huh, wha?!” on his part, till he realized I was 99% joking, though I would love to *make* him pay for it just because!)

So, I felt deflated, annoyed, and mad that I wasn’t getting a return that I shouldn’t have even considered a possibility in the first place.

Why was I annoyed? Because I wasn’t getting money back?

I should be grateful that I have my half of the money to pay for it.

And I am.

But I wasn’t seeing that during that moment of frustration (which I ‘spose is a normal reaction, really).

And in speaking with a couple of friends and my mom – I should actually realize I’m lucky we didn’t owe more. And for that much of a loss on the house, and for only a partial year paying interest on the house, paying a shortfall of 600 bucks or so really isn’t so bad.

It just means that instead of a tropical vacation in Mexico, or the Bahamas or Bermuda, I’ll pare that back to take a quick jaunt to visit my BDF in sunny (and MUCH warmer) Florida. Not so shabby, right?!

So, in the grand scheme of things, perspective re-gained, and gratitude realized.

I was sitting in BDFF (best divorced fab friend)’s office today and we were just catching up about life, in general, and a bit about our lives now, versus last year (as we both went through divorce almost at the same time, but the big difference is that she was with her ex for over a dozen years, and has two beautiful little girls) and it hit me…

Damn, my life has so much LESS sadness in it than last year.

Now, maybe that sounds like “no duh, Einstein” but for some reason, it came rushing back. That feeling. BDFF and I had many a closed-door conversation/cry/bitchfest about our situations last year, and I am so thankful to have had someone rightthere at some of those moments where I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide, instead of putting on a “face” at work and pretending like life was just peachy.

So, when we were sitting there, chatting about me being 30 and in a sense, feeling like I’m starting over (but fresh, too, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing!) and her too, at almost 35, from square one, even though that feels daunting, on one hand, on the other, it feels so good to be where I am now, versus last year. It brought back that perspective that I feel I’ve lost a little sight of lately, and I think I needed that today.

I’m not sad. I’m not angry. I’m not hurt. And that, my friends, is the greatest feeling in the world.

~~~

On a side note – we had a boxing class to go to tonight (the last few weeks, to do some drills to prep for Group Kick) and I must say, there are some cuties in that class that I’ve never seen before. I’m secretly hoping they migrate to our Group Kick classes when they start a week from Saturday. I see potential…hey, at least for some good eye candy, if nothing more, right?!

…and there’s always CSB to look at, even though CSBGF is still in the picture. I neglected to mention that SHE came to spinning the other week, and wow, I knew immediately. Why? Because he wouldn’t even look me straight in the face, for one, nor talk to me, or anything. It was QUITE interesting, I must say. But I digress 😉

Perspective is a pretty big theme on my blog, and a couple months ago, I wrote on a similar topic, but today, I thought it was worth revisiting, for a few different reasons. One, I think having perspective is HUGE, no matter what, in life, but even more so when going through something traumatic or emotionally trying (such as divorce, dating mishaps or breakups, but also things like losing a job or a house, someone close to you passing away etc). I also think it’s “easy” to say “just have perspective” – it’s something you really have to work at finding and maintaining through the tough times, and not only when you’re flying high.

I would say having and maintaining perspective has been huge for me, and I am constantly reminded to have it, and keep it, on a daily basis, and I’m also reminded of it when I see friends and family losing perspective, or just not really having any perspective at all. It’s actually kind of frustrating to watch others go through things that yes, are tough to handle, but being so short-sighted about it and not seeing the big picture, or harping on little things that – again – in the grand scheme of things, aren’t worth stressing over.

And for me, things I know I always have to keep perspective on, besides the obvious (pending divorce in oh, two weeks or so?!), are, the short sale, my job (not hating it!), the dating game (realizing it’s still fun, even if some are non-starters or don’t work out) and, most near-term, the end of my vacation and the wind-down of summer. So, as I sit here, relaxing (in my overly hot house!!) and ruminating on the fantastic vacation I had, and, the equally fantastic summer I am having, I am keeping perspective, holding on to the idea that, in the grand scheme of things, life ain’t so bad. It’s pretty darn good, all things considered. Who’s with me?!