Well, I am just beyond excited to “interrupt” my daily blog posts to share with you an interview I had the pleasure of doing with Andrea Syrtash (follow her @andreasyrtash!), author of “He’s Just Not Your Type” dating & relationship expert, life coach, and contributor to Yahoo and Oprah.com;, among others, and the on-air host of ‘On Dating’, produced by NBC Digital Studios. She was also just on ABC News for a segment on her book – way cool.
HOW exciting is that? Little ‘ole me, just blogging away each day on my life, dating post-divorce, and re-learning who I am and where I want to go and I get presented with this fantastic opportunity. Clearly, I am excited, could you tell?
So, without further ado, here is the interview – and keep reading, for my very first giveaway at the bottom!
- What is the biggest pitfall you see women falling into when dating “the wrong type” – is it settling? being too rigid in their dating “must-haves?” having their expectations set too high/too low?
Most of us are creatures of habit and do what we know and date who we know – we tend to play the same role in every relationship. We have to stop being victims in our dating lives and start looking at our pattern. Women are exceptionally intuitive and we often don’t listen to our instincts. In the book, I’m trying to show women how to make new conscious choices in love that are based on their core values and gut feelings.
- When you suggest daters go out of their comfort zone to find the right one, what do you mean? Can you give an example? Would it be similar to something I just did recently, in terms of dating a man that was 11 years older than me (this was HUGELY out of my comfort zone)? Or dating someone completely opposite of any of their dating “must-haves?”
Yes – exactly! I don’t think we should date someone a decade older just to do it...but I’m guessing in your case, you pursued the relationship with him because you felt a connection with him. Even though it wasn’t the ‘easy’ option, I’m guessing you followed your heart and that’s why you dated him. Dating the non-type isn’t about being less picky or settling, it’s about being more open to the fact your match may come in a different package than you imagined. None of the women in the book feel they settled. They’re with partners who were outside of their comfort zones, but who brought them to their highest potential.
All of us should have a ‘must have’ checklist….I just think some of the checklists we are currently using don’t reflect what’s most important to us. I’d rather you write, ‘I must have someone who is driven and hard-working’ instead of ‘I must be with someone with a good job’ (since as we know, ‘good jobs’ come and go!) I have a bunch of checklists in ‘He’s Just Not Your Type’ to help guide the reader to what is at the heart of her ‘must haves’.
- What is the one piece of advice you would give someone to find the right person?
Don’t just look at who the guy is – consider who you are *with* him. If you’re a really good version of yourself, that’s one indicator that you’re with the right person. Also, know the difference between a good person and a good partner. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you must consider who that person is as a partner.
(Woops! I gave 2 pieces of advice, I know).
- Do you have any thoughts on dating “organically” vs online and if that “matters” when finding the right one?
I don’t think we should have just one approach when looking for love or our chances of finding a connection are smaller. I would never say ‘only date in the real world’ or ‘only look online’. I think it’s important to find balance, try a few things and see what works for you. I’ve met so many people who say ‘It’s not natural to date online’. It’s true it’s not natural to date online (I don’t believe in e-relationships!) but it’s very normal and natural today to *meet online. Technology has changed the way we do everything, including how we make connections. There are over 40 million Americans dating online (that’s about half the single population) and most of us know someone who has met someone through an online dating service, so it’s still a viable option….
Wow – SO much for me to comment on – and I plan to, in coming posts. She has some fantastic advice in so many ways, not just for those that are dating, but for those that are IN relationships or marriages – some food for thought across the board. Think about it…I know I am.
As for the giveaway – please feel free to comment on why you’d like a copy of the book by Friday, July 2, and I will pick someone at random to get a free copy! I’m so jealous of my own giveaway – imagine that 😉
On a side note – Nala’s doing well today – thank you so much for all of your comments! Still waiting on blood work results…stay tuned. Meow (that was Nala saying hi, for those of you that don’t speak kitty. Wink).