Well, I am just beyond excited to “interrupt” my daily blog posts to share with you an interview I had the pleasure of doing with Andrea Syrtash (follow her @andreasyrtash!), author of “He’s Just Not Your Type” dating & relationship expert, life coach, and contributor to Yahoo and Oprah.com;, among others, and the on-air host of ‘OnΒ Dating’, produced by NBC Digital Studios. She was also just on ABC News for a segment on her book – way cool.
HOW exciting is that? Little ‘ole me, just blogging away each day on my life, dating post-divorce, and re-learning who I am and where I want to go and I get presented with this fantastic opportunity. Clearly, I am excited, could you tell?
So, without further ado, here is the interview – and keep reading, for my very first giveaway at the bottom!
- What is the biggest pitfall you see women falling into when dating “the wrong type” – is it settling? being too rigid in their dating “must-haves?” having their expectations set too high/too low?
Most of us are creatures of habit and do what we know and date who we know – we tend to play the same role in every relationship. We have to stop being victims in our dating lives and start looking at our pattern. Women are exceptionally intuitive and we often don’t listen to our instincts. In the book, I’m trying to show women how to make new conscious choices in love that are based on their core values and gut feelings.
- When you suggest daters go out of their comfort zone to find the right one, what do you mean? Can you give an example? Would it be similar to something I just did recently, in terms of dating a man that was 11 years older than me (this was HUGELY out of my comfort zone)? Or dating someone completely opposite of any of their dating “must-haves?”
Yes – exactly! I don’t think we should date someone a decade older just to do it...but I’m guessing in your case, you pursued the relationship with him because you felt a connection with him. Even though it wasn’t the ‘easy’ option, I’m guessing you followed your heart and that’s why you dated him. Dating the non-type isn’t about being less picky or settling, it’s about being more open to the fact your match may come in a different package than you imagined. None of the women in the book feel they settled. They’re with partners who were outside of their comfort zones, but who brought them to their highest potential.
All of us should have a ‘must have’ checklist….I just think some of the checklists we are currently using don’t reflect what’s most important to us. I’d rather you write, ‘I must have someone who is driven and hard-working’ instead of ‘I must be with someone with a good job’ (since as we know, ‘good jobs’ come and go!)Β I have a bunch of checklists in ‘He’s Just Not Your Type’ to help guide the reader to what is at the heart of her ‘must haves’.
- What is the one piece of advice you would give someone to find the right person?
Don’t just look at who the guy is – consider who you are *with* him. If you’re a really good version of yourself, that’s one indicator that you’re with the right person. Also, know the difference between a good person and a good partner. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you must consider who that person is as a partner.
(Woops! I gave 2 pieces of advice, I know).
- Do you have any thoughts on dating “organically” vs online and if that “matters” when finding the right one?
I don’t think we should have just one approach when looking for love or our chances of finding a connection are smaller. I would never say ‘only date in the real world’ or ‘only look online’. I think it’s important to find balance, try a few things and see what works for you. I’ve met so many people who say ‘It’s not natural to date online’. It’s true it’s not natural to date online (I don’t believe in e-relationships!) but it’s very normal and natural today to *meet online.Β Technology has changed the way we do everything, including how we make connections. There are over 40 million Americans dating online (that’s about half the single population) and most of us know someone who has met someone through an online dating service, so it’s still a viable option….
Wow – SO much for me to comment on – and I plan to, in coming posts. She has some fantastic advice in so many ways, not just for those that are dating, but for those that are IN relationships or marriages – some food for thought across the board. Think about it…I know I am.
As for the giveaway – please feel free to comment on why you’d like a copy of the book by Friday, July 2, and I will pick someone at random to get a free copy! I’m so jealous of my own giveaway – imagine that π
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On a side note – Nala’s doing well today – thank you so much for all of your comments! Still waiting on blood work results…stay tuned. Meow (that was Nala saying hi, for those of you that don’t speak kitty. Wink).
June 29, 2010 at 7:57 pm
I can so identify with this…it gets harder the more mature and set in our ways we are!! Very interesting indeed and I will be following with wide open eyes and ears!!
Say “Meow” to Nala from me π Much love oxo
June 29, 2010 at 8:10 pm
you’re right – it is harder when you are more set in your ways or have this notion in your head of what that person is, when they may be all wrong for you. Very interesting! I told Nala meow for you π
June 29, 2010 at 8:38 pm
I loved reading this – there are so many nuggets of great advice in here, I can’t wait to hear you break it apart in future posts π I must say – taking away those checklists and all of that dating jazz, when you do step back after meeting someone with potential, it’s hard to describe – but it just happens, and you surprisingly find that the “one” for you may not come in the “package” you thought it would, but when you really dig down, that person is exactly who you were/are meant to be with. I know the “just happens” thing sounds so annoying and airy-fairy, but it’s true…and I know it’ll “just happen” for you very, very soon.
June 30, 2010 at 8:06 am
thanks sis – yea, the part about the “package” not coming in what you envisioned is so true…it’s hard to get away from the image of what you expect sometimes, and just let what is meant to happen, happen.
June 29, 2010 at 9:49 pm
As far as this blog, there is a lot I can relate to, especially currently. I’m notorious for meeting “Mr. Wrong”, as of right now my boyfriend of 6 months will not answer my calls just out of the blue, no reason as to why. I live in a small area without a lot of dating potential and as a 30 yr old woman, never married and no kids, you can feel like quite the outcast here! I’ve tried to move to a bigger city but can’t find a job anywhere else to save my life. Oh how I’d love a new outlook and fresh start!
June 30, 2010 at 8:12 am
Aw, sounds somewhat similar to me, but I have a divorce thrown in for good measure π (joke!) I am glad you have come by for a visit and I hope you start gaining that fresh outlook you are looking for!
June 30, 2010 at 11:06 am
Just curious, where are you ladies from? Anyone from Texas?
June 29, 2010 at 11:49 pm
Way to go, girl! Congrats on the interview! Some very interesting advice that I tend to absorb and contemplate as I look forward to your future input!
I’ve been married twice; the 2nd being a completely different “package” than the first but neither worked. 7 years post divorce, I’m trying to figure out a) how/where to meet them and b) what would make a good partner.
Again, looking forward to you taking it apart! And “meow” right back atcha Nala!
June 30, 2010 at 8:08 am
Thanks! And yes, the how and the what are two big Qs to ask, aren’t they?
June 30, 2010 at 8:12 am
I’ve been following Andrea forever – I WANT A COPY. Besides its my bday month. π Love the interview.
June 30, 2010 at 8:13 am
Ha, great response friend, you are clearly a contender (and of course, throwing in that your b-day is coming and all…)
June 30, 2010 at 10:43 am
Congrats girl – that’s sooo cool!! So when are you going to write your own book?????
June 30, 2010 at 10:57 am
Ha, thanks…as for my OWN book, hmm, maybe when I actually get past dating towards landing the man of my dreams? ;-P
June 30, 2010 at 12:10 pm
I love that she said we should consider who we are when we’re with him. That’s so important! I’d love to read more of what she has to say.
Glad Nala’s doing well! Very nice questions, by the way!
June 30, 2010 at 12:34 pm
isn’t it? I totally loved that point too and plan to expand on a few of these areas in future posts. And thanks re: Nala, I am glad she’s continuing progress for now.
June 30, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Great interview! Love the whole concept, now to apply it to my actual life!
June 30, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Thanks, same here!! π
July 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Love reading your blog! This was a great interview, how did you land it? I’d love to hear the advice Andrea has to give a couple trying to make things work in midst of a new baby, and completely different work schedules? How do you create a partnership when your daily life is based on independency?
July 6, 2010 at 9:24 am
Thanks for visiting – and so glad you like my blog. Your comment is so touching…I’m thinking you deserve the book. I’ll be emailing you for your address to mail you a copy…
July 4, 2010 at 1:34 am
Well, I’m a nerd and clearly I didn’t comment on time but that’s okay- I’ll just have to go out and purchase the book because it does look interesting! Great interview, Jolene!
July 6, 2010 at 9:24 am
you are not a nerd π It does look like a goody doesn’t it? Knew you could appreciate it π
July 7, 2010 at 7:04 pm
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July 12, 2010 at 6:48 pm
[…] dating experience, overall, in the last year, I go back to something Andrea Syrtash noted in my blog interview a week ago – itβs very normal and natural today to *meet online.Β Technology has changed […]