Ready for this? I’m doing a “man audit” of all the boys I’ve dated since I dove into the dating world last July. This oughtta be fun, right?! I figure I’d go back and pick out the things I liked and didn’t like about each, and what I can take away from that and add to my list for the future man of my dreams (teehee).
Here goes!
- Boy #1: The first boy I went on a date, started at a semi-chance meeting at Starbucks and to one date (there was supposed to be a second, but uh, HE stood me up! Never heard from him again.) after that. He was nice, but looking back, I think I really opted to go out with him because he was the first one to show interest on match.com. He wasn’t my type looks-wise, we didn’t have a heck of a lot in common, and he was pretty boring (funny how hindsight is, isn’t it?!). Fail.
- Boy #2: He was a cutie, was into MMA and boxing, had a good sense of humor. Good chemistry on our date, and we were going to have a second, but alas, an ex reappeared in his life and – thankfully – he was honest about it. No hard feelings. I liked that he was into being active, however, he was more on the scrawny side, and I almost felt bigger than him! As odd as that sounds…and I’m not really into that. So, while cute, nice eyes and smile, he sorta had small hand syndrome and for some reason, that skeeves me. Just sayin’ 😉
- Boy #3: Not much to report here – he ended up being a non-starter. We had a date planned, but then he canceled, as he met someone else two nights before and felt he needed to give that a chance. Again, appreciate the honesty (he was cute, worked nearby, but I was sensing scrawny arm syndrome just a smidge hehe)
- Boy #4: Had a date planned, he canceled, never called again. He was cute, we chatted once on the phone, and that was that. You win some, you lose some. Meh.
- Boy #5: K, a little confusion here – some of my posts refer to “diamond boy” as #4 and #5, so I must have confused my numbers in some posts, but we went out once, and he’s still kicking aroumd, actually. He’s divorced, and totally enjoying the single life, so I definitely don’t see that going anywhere, however, he is intriguing and if he were, say, to want to go out again, I would probably go. He was very good looking, loves to travel, muscular (but not in a meathead way), runs, loves wine. Lots of my “list” items physically and activity wise. Too bad he’s got a bit of the playa vibe.
- Boy #6: Hmm. this is a mystery. I can’t find posts on boy #6. I really wasn’t paying attention to numbers, was I?! Good thing I am not a math major. Stay tuned…
- Boy #7: This was sort of a milestone one for me. We went on two dates. He was also recently divorced. Very good looking, workout-a-holic (slight meathead, but it wasn’t annoying, like that usually can be) and seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. We had a great first date, and on the second date, we had dinner at his place and there was some activity (I won’t get into details but you can probably connect the dots…) and after, sometime that week, got got weird, stopped calling and left me a random Facebook email, basically ending things. Jerk. What did I learn? Hot guy. Yes. Seemed nice. Yes. Between the lines. Coupla red flags. You live, you learn.
- Boy #8: This guy – he’s the male nurse. We went out once. He was quiet, a bit shy, good looking though, VERY close to his brother and family. Really dug that, and would have gone out with him again. We chatted about it a few times, and then it meandered past Thanksgiving, and by that point, I’d met boy #9.
- Boy #9: Brainy Blonde. Reading through the posts makes me a bit nostalgic, I’m not gonna lie. I liked him a lot, and he was a good guy. He had a lot of qualities I liked – intellectual…a real thinker, close with his family, loves cats, great job, driven, and, to top it off, he volunteers at a shelter. And he was cute, we had great chemistry and conversation. You probably notice some qualities from here on my list. He had quite a few.
- Boy #10: The Russian! The only guy so far that I’ve dated from OK Cupid. We went on four dates. He was dark and intriguing. We had good chemistry, he liked to work out (however, for the amount of working out he claimed, I wasn’t that impressed. Wow, I sound like my bar is set really high on this physical feature, but it’s really not, I swear!). The only guy where I ended things. We just weren’t looking for the same things long term.
Phew, that was quite the project mining for those blogs (and wow, I’m bad at math and somehow “lost” boy #6! Ha. I think I gave him a number and we never actually went out, but I’m still investigating! Feeling like I missed someone!).
So, what are my takeaways? Being active and having some sense of muscle definition is a little higher on my list physically than I thought. It’s not a make or break, but considering how active I try to be and stay, it’s a huge part of my life and it would only be natural to connect with someone that has similar interests. However, being a muscle-head isn’t always all it is cracked up to be. Clearly, that was the case with boy #7, and I think his looks may have clouded my judgement a little bit. I definitely am drawn to the career- and family-oriented as well as someone I generally feel comfortable with.
Nothing overly earthshattering, but it gives me a snapshot of where I’ve been, that’s for sure! Re-reading those posts felt like a time-warm, from the first date to the last. Wow, a lot has happened, and a lot has changed. My dating “style,” confidence and general outlook. I love it!
January 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm
This was quite entertaining to read Jo, you are so pithy 😉 But seriously, just reading this you can totally see the progression in your dating “style” – from total dating virgin right out of the gate to smart, confident and prepared (for lack of a better word) woman in the know. Very cool. Particularly enjoyed the bit about “scrawny arms” and “small hand syndrome.” And hey, you’re right, you deserve nothing but the best and if the “best” includes a guy who values the same things as you phsyically (being fit, etc.) then you should have that! You’re a hottie, you deserve to date a hottie, just sayin’ 😉
January 14, 2010 at 11:39 pm
As a guy, I would have been more interested to see how you connected on an intellectual or emotional level rather than focusing on physical perfection, because after all, looks always fade.
January 15, 2010 at 10:06 am
DivorcedGuy – truthfully, this post was more meant to be “fun” than overly serious, however, if it did come across as too physically focused in terms of what I am looking for, that’s not totally the case, though I do think there needs to be physical chemistry in any relationship (would assume you agree!). And to be honest, most of these guys were one-date wonders for me, so there wasn’t a heck of a lot of time for deep, intellectual conversations, it was more surface, get to know you stuff, so it’s harder for me to gauge from those dates whether we would have connected on a mental/emotional level, after just one date. Just figured I’d give you my rationale behind the post, and hopefully didn’t offend/come across too surface-focused.
January 14, 2010 at 11:52 pm
I did giggle at “small hand syndrome”.
I remember going out with this guy and thinking we TOTALLY were made for each other. We met on eHarmony. We went out and had a blast! We talked and texted and he wanted to go out again and then he just… disappeared. Weird. I guess somethings work out and others just don’t.
Great list. Live and learn!
January 15, 2010 at 10:07 am
ha, yes. I have a thing for small hands – not in a perverted way, but my hands are fairly big for a woman (at least in my opinion!) so if a guy’s hands are smaller than mine, it sorta freaks me out 😉
January 15, 2010 at 5:51 am
Oh, gawd! I don’t want to read my man audit. I know that I kept ending things with one guy after another for the past year and a half because Sam kept popping back into my life. I was soooo determined for things to work for us. Now, I’m facing a reality that is so much darker. Wonder if I should assess and learn from my mistakes. I think what you’re doing is really healthy. Way to lead by example.
January 15, 2010 at 10:07 am
haha Nicki! I think the man audit would do you good 🙂 It was fun too!!
January 15, 2010 at 11:54 am
I got a piece of advice from a Captain on a trip once…I don’t remember quite the details…
Make a list of all the traits that you want and you don’t want. BE SPECIFIC.
Lay over your bed (on your back) with your head hanging off the side…pointing WEST I believe (this is the detail I can’t remember). Read the list once every night for three nights in a row.
Within a YEAR, you will find that person.
And let me tell you, DAVID is the exact person on the LIST. FREAKY, yes. WEIRD, yes. But it works. And that Captain that told me about it, he said that a BUNCH of his female friends have done this and found that EXACT person.
Doesn’t hurt to give it a try. It’s FREE!
January 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Ash – thanks for stopping by and reading – and I love that “trick!” I may just have to give that one a whirl 😉
January 15, 2010 at 6:01 pm
JOLENE! I am howling with laughter over here! Oh my Friday just got brighter–I love ya girl!
I am a TINY person. Not the “you could break her like a reed” kind of tiny, but the “Are you sure she’s not a hobbit?” kind. Thus it’s not tiny hand syndrome that just creeps me out (it’s a virtual impossibility to meet someone with smaller hands than me 😛 ), it’s creep teeth syndrome. UGH!! *shiver* I’m not saying they have to be orthodontically perfect and capped…just come on! Brush before you come on a date will ya?
I’m not surprised that physical stuff was what you mentioned the most as that is the first impression and first connection. Honestly if you only went out with some one time, it’s not like you can connect a lot INTELLECTUALLY. 😉 However, it might be fun to do a new audit (god, I LOVE that!) that focuses on emotional or intellectual connection–how and/or why.
Oddly enough I had an instance once where I was dating two men at once: one fella who treated me medium well and was a beautiful, dark, swarthy type (LOVE THAT!!) but I just ADORED him because he didn’t just engage me intellectually, he ran rings around me and asked me to rise to his level! WOOHOO! The other fella treated me like I was a goddess and all but worshiped me, was romantic crazy-in-love but I just didn’t adore him because he was not constantly challenging me intellectually. So it might be fun to just note if they caught your mind (and how) and if you attached emotionally. Which came first?
January 15, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Cindy – you’re awesome, so glad I got you laughing 😉 I love your story! Creepy teeth – eww! That’s another bad one for sure. And I love the emotional comparison. I will do that more I think once I actually date someone a little longer than a few dates 😉
January 16, 2010 at 10:53 am
Oh this was good. Why can’t muy audits at work be this fun!
January 16, 2010 at 1:17 pm
LOL – it was a lot of fun actually to do! Fun to re-read this post too. One of my faves I think!
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