What I love about the holidays…

…is celebrating not only with family (who I of course love spending the holidays with, regardless), but with my “extended” family…my friends.

I was lamenting to my sister Jess the other day that this year, more than any other, I feel the closest with my friends than ever, and have a very specific set of whom I’d call my best friends. The friends I can count on two hands (or less) that I always enjoy spending time with, laughing with, sharing moments with, and sharing (and supporting) during the tough times too.

Friendships are hard. Let’s face it.

They take some work to define, some time to establish trust, and friendships are truly a commitment you need to honor. But, it goes both ways. It shouldn’t change when you get married, or meet a new significant other. Of course, friendships can adapt to changing forces in your life, but they shouldn’t be neglected, just like any relationship. But I’m proud to stand behind my friendships, as I value them so much. They are an extension of my family, truly. And I think that adds so much to life, doesn’t it?

I’m so thankful for my friends – you know who you are (I hope!) – and you’ve been my rocks, my support, my humor, and so much of my life this year. And I am so looking forward to ringing in the New Year with almost all of you (and those that cannot make it, you’ll be there in spirit!), because 2011 is going to knock the socks off 2010, I can feel it. For all of us. I just know it.

Friendship…‘if you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder, if you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow, but anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.’

 

Thankful, like whoa.

Well friends, I must say, I had an amazing Thanksgiving and feel so thankful to have so much goodness in my life. It was a blur of a day, but a beautiful one at that.

First up? Wild Turkey Run in Salem and it was frigid.As in 30 degrees and major wind chills. And the entire route was by the water. As in, smack dab next to it. Needless to say, I couldn’t feel my ears, I couldn’t feel half of my face (the side facing the wind) or my legs. But I made it. I passed sections that were part of the Wicked Half marathon route, and it brought back flashbacks (some good, some bad!) and had a really tough side cramp. But Doctor Boy stuck by me the entire time and made sure I was okay. It felt awesome to share this with him, a race I’ve done for a few years now on Thanksgiving. One of the many things I love about him is being able to share in things that mean a lot to me (and vice versa) like running, and races (from time to time!). Thankful.

Next? I headed up to Maine to spend the day with my grandparents (who I thank God for every day that they are in such great health) and my mom. It was a quiet, small gathering, as my sisters were with their in-laws (we’ll all be together for Christmas though, which is exciting!), but it was wonderful to have so much one on one time with them. They genuinely care about my life, they wanted to hear all about Doctor Boy, and they are just the best. Thankful.

From there? I headed back home and to Doctor Boy’s parents’ house for dessert. I was slightly nervous as his uncle and brother and sister-in-law were there too and I wanted it to be good and fun and natural and not awkward. And it was! I was welcomed by his father who said “there she is! come in! come in!” which for some reason, made me smile and feel so happy. My heart swelled. I felt welcomed.  Thankful.

Waking up this morning, Doctor Boy said my coming last night meant the world to him. He was so happy and said he can tell his family really likes me. That meant the world to me. I don’t think he is “used to” having someone in his life that wants to spend time with him and his family (perhaps his ex didn’t…), so when he says these things, I am still surprised, because of course I want to share these times with him. Isn’t that what love is all about? Thankful.

It’s been a great holiday so far, and as I sit here looking at the new Christmas tree I got today (and of course couldn’t wait to put it up!), I’m feeling thankful and excited for the holidays to come.

 

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

On this Thanksgiving, it’s hard for me to put into words just how thankful I am to be where I am in my life, at this very moment. Incredible.

Even more incredible is looking at my post last Thanksgiving and at that point, feeling so thankful for MY life and what it had become, only one year after being in such pain and sadness that Thanksgiving 2008. Who knew it would get better and better to this point today? Sure, this year has had its fair share of ups and downs, but it’s truly been the year of me, and to now include love within that life blows my mind.

So, the quote I’m using today, really does sum it up, for me, and for you, I hope, as you piece together the good in your lives, despite whatever bad may be brewing as well:

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

What am I thankful for this year?

…my family, their good health, and our closer-than-ever bond (cue sisters!).

…my beautiful niece who I don’t think I could love any more than I do right now. She’s amazing.

…stability. in finances (somewhat), job, and personal health (these things we take for granted, sometimes, don’t we?).

…my friends. they’ve been my stability and my sanity. And always will.

…Doctor Boy. Enough said.

…my cats (yes, my cats!) and their health, especially Nala’s.

…happiness. Through and through.

…challenges and pain. Mentally and physically (cue half-marathon this year on the physical pain side..and challenge side).

…the potential that lies ahead. I know there is more to come, if I work at it, and that’s thrillling!

Be thankful. It’s a powerful feeling. Happy Thanksgiving all!

 

 

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”

Today’s quote Friday quote is one I’ve been harboring for awhile, but it’s one that I want to throw out there, in part to the Universe as I feel it is absolutely one of the best and most real quotes there is about friendship and also in terms of how I view my friendships – exactly like this.

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”

I think that friendships have their ebb and flow, and there is a time to embrace, and a time to step back and sometimes, a time to walk away (as I have had to do in the past, as I am sure many of you have too), as hard as that may be.

I value my friends. Very much so. As much as I value my family and my sisters, I value my friends. I treat them with respect, I encourage, I support, I love, my friends. And all I ask is for that in return. Sometimes it is easier said than done, and sometimes there’s a level of communication that needs to be part of that to make sure those levels don’t drift away for no good reason.

I also think everyone has a right to step back and find themselves. See what makes them tick. See what makes them happy, what makes them mad, what makes them sad and what makes them want to be the person they want to be. I’ve done this in the past, to a certain extent, probably as I was getting through the toughest parts of my divorce. I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want a hug. I didn’t want my friends to say “you’ll get through this, you’ll be better off, it’s his loss.”

I just wanted to mourn.

It was what I needed and the friends that stuck by me regardless of my that are my closest friends today. Some of those friends have surfaced as the ones that really “get” me. They know what makes me happy, they share in it, and if they don’t, they can still embrace it (like working out. not everyone loves it, but if you can accept that it’s a big part of my life and I love it and stress out when I don’t work out, then that’s kosher by me!).  I’ve never ever felt more valued to my friends and I’ve never valued my friends more than I do right now and that is a part of my life I would never change. They give my life light, they make it sing, and I love them (you know who you are).

So, my friends, this is my art of timing. In silence, or support, or embracing your destiny.

~~

It’s been a crazy week, and I am really looking forward to the weekend. I had an in-and-out trip to Chicago yesterday (4 am wakeup was a blast – NOT – but at least I was able to sleep in my own – okay Doctor Boy’s – bed, right? He even dropped me off at the airport and picked me up. And not only did he pick me up, he came in and waited for me by the escalator in the terminal.

total.

utter.

swoonage.

~~

Life is good.

Embrace it, embrace your friends, and have a wonderful weekend all! I will be celebrating “Friendsgiving” with my girls tomorrow night, as our annual tradition, so this post feels particularly fitting (even though some of my favorites can’t make it, you’re there in spirit!), and an evening tonight with Doctor Boy.

Cheers!

 

Of finding your place, hindsight, and blessings.

More and more I feel as though I am exactly where I am meant to be in my life, and it is such a powerful feeling.

In catching up with one of my bestest (formerly known as BDF or best divorced friend but as she’s now re-married, we’ll stick with Ames, to avoid confusion!), I realized (thank you!) that I really am very lucky to be where I am in my life. And maybe “luck” isn’t the right word here, but to feel what I feel for Doctor Boy, and to feel as though I am smack dab where I should be in my life, in my friendships (strong, devoted, close) and in my family (loyal, loving, strong), well, I can’t help but just keep saying it…this is where I am meant to be.

And I feel like I need to keep reminding myself of that – that I am finding my place, and that I have the man, the friends, and the family to prove it – because in a way, I don’t think I’ve really “let” myself  let it sink in.

Until last night.

Laying in bed next to Doctor Boy, about to drift off to sleep, as he had just finished telling me how much he loves me, and how much he is looking forward to experiencing life with me, it hit me fully in the face. Looking into his eyes, not feeling an ounce of hesitation, I was in my place. Right there.

And I uttered “I love you” and drifted off to sleep. With a smile on my face, and my heart full of happiness and love.

~~

I caught up with Pete today, after a few weeks of not really connecting with him. I kept meaning to, but we just haven’t had a chance to. (lately, I’m the first to contact him these days, so figured that might be the case now, too.).

He had been seeing someone but turns out they’re no longer dating, and he’s again back in the cycle of singledom, wondering what his next step is. He seemed a little down, but I wondered if maybe it was because he’s still struggling with what he wants in his life right now.

I wonder if hindsight hinders him. Or helps him.

I wonder if he things he made a mistake (I don’t think he did).

And while it makes me glad that he’s happy for me, but in a way, it also makes me sad.

Is that weird?

(more on this topic later…)

~~

It was the kitties’ annual checkup tonight. And while I know Nala has vastly improved since she was near-death a few months ago, a sudden fear crept in me that maybe she wasn’t as heavy as she felt, or as chipper and playful as she is. But when he weighed her, I was floored.

10.3 pounds!!!

She was 5.5 pounds in July 5.5. And she’s basically double that now, and on top of that? She’s .1 bigger than Kayla (and she hasn’t been as big as Kayla since they were kittens!). I was thrilled. I wanted to jump up and down.  The vet even said “I didn’t think she was gonna make it, wow.”

Blessed.

I saw Jen and Isabel yesterday at my dad’s (where Doctor Boy met my dad for the first time…brought him a Cuban cigar, which my dad loves. I think they are BFFs now. Just kidding, but a good seal of approval!). yesterday.

I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed them in the week since she moved home. I was so excited to see them, and holding Isabel, kissing her head and laughing as she cooed, was just about the best thing in the world.

Both are healthy, both are doing better.

Blessed.

 

Feeling welcomed.

Is an indescribable feeling when you hadn’t felt it for 10 years.

I met Doctor Boy’s parents on Saturday (despite lots of indecision on Saturday’s plans, it actually went very smoothly!), and although I got a flash of nerves right before they walked through the door, I felt a sense of relief when I met them.

They were warm. They were very nice. They seemed thrilled to meet me.

I felt welcomed.

And I never felt that way with my ex in-laws. Ever. I’ve alluded to it before, but they never accepted me from the day I met them, and I never felt welcomed in their home, or by them as a member of their family. So, needless to say, I was slightly reticent about meeting Doctor Boy’s parents because I was afraid they wouldn’t like me.

And part of that reason is also because I was afraid I’d be a bit shy (since I tend to be at first, when meeting someone new, and given I was meeting Doctor Boy’s parents added to that worry!) and they’d think I was aloof or standoffish or quiet. But I wasn’t! And I was so glad it felt natural and not awkward at all.

They were just generally really nice, warm people, and we talked about wine, and traveling, and my family, and my job, and they just seem genuinely interested in who I am. And I can see the happiness in their eyes that we’ve met each other. I could see the joy on their faces, and that made me so happy.

Unspoken welcomeness.

And after I left? They told him I am “awesome” and according to Doctor Boy, they “never say that about anyone!”

And they invited me over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And they “never do that” either (to someone they just met!).

So, this evening, after yet another funtastic weekend, I am feeling welcomed. In every way.

Swoon.

Cheers, friends.

 

“Although time seems to fly by, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest.”

I’ve been struck with dope slaps of perspective quite a bit lately, so I thought today’s quote Friday quote should reflect that:

“Although time seems to fly by, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest.”

I’ve complained ad nauseam about how much this week has dragged and judging from some of my other Facebook friends and IRL friends, it seems this week has dragged on for many. And as much as I complain about weeks dragging on, at the same time I think to myself “I should be enjoying every minute of every day because life’s good” but some days are just easier to do that than others. I’ve had a bit of a tough time shaking that off this week, but as the weekend nears, I realize that hey, it could always be worse, and if the worst thing that happened this week is that the work days were dragging, then I think that’s pretty good, right?

And taking this quote a little deeper, it’s allowing me to take a step back and again look at all the goodness life has to offer. I just feel so blessed to be in a good place in my life, to have some really special friends, the start of what seems to be an amazing relationship, and a lot to look forward to.

During what should be a month of thanks…what else are you thankful for? What do you savor most each day?

Beyond the things I listed here, more specifically, I am thankful for spending time with Jen and my niece Isabel this weekend, and watching her grow and develop. It’s been amazing to be a part of and seeing Jen continue to improve and spring back to her beautiful, happy, fun self makes me beam.

I am thankful for feeling back on track with my routine (mostly) and my workouts (nothing like a good sweat, I swear!), and a weekend ahead filled with family, friends, Doctor Boy, and well, what else, wine…and I hope you all have great weekends and if the slap of perspective hits you, document it. It makes a world of difference.

 

 

Another reminder that life is pretty damn good.

After last week’s much needed dope slap of reality, I’ve had a few other instances of that IRL (thank you BFF, you are the best) and realized that the things I’ve been at war with myself at were so downright surface and so unimportant in the grand scheme of things, that I almost felt ashamed that I’d had those thoughts, let alone said them out loud.

And then, last night, over “sister dinner” with Jen and Jess (we used to do these every month prior to Isabel’s birth, so it was our attempt to recreate that as we all enjoyed helping care for the baby), I just sat back and realized, wow, I love this. All of it. Despite all that Jen has gone through, we’ve gotten so much closer than I ever thought we could, and we really have all gotten to know each other so much better.

I know that sounds weird, since we are so close, but in a way, we hadn’t totally learned about each other in the “grown up” sense, just from our companionship growing up and all of the fun we always have. But I have come to realize that I absolutely loved this time with her, it’s really a gift from God that we’ve been able to, and it doesn’t matter that my routine is shaken a bit, or I have to figure out when to work out or catch a bit more sleep.

Because Isabel is worth it. Because Jen is worth it. And because our sisterhood is worth it.

~~

And then I look around, and realize, that despite frustrations in some aspects of my life, my life truly is pretty damn good.

I’m happy.

I’m in love.

I have fantastic friends and family.

I am at a point where I love who I am and this stage in my life.

What’s better than that?

~~

And then I watched Joel Osteen this evening, and wow, his message was dead-on. One of my favorite underlying themes from him – happiness is a choice – and it really is. An excerpt that speaks volumes:

Every day we have the choice to choose how we will live: in happiness and gladness or in discouragement and frustration. So many people are living with a war on the inside, thinking, “I can’t be happy. I don’t even like my life. I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the car I drive or where I live. When those things change, then I’ll be happy.” So they wait to be happy. Some people wait their entire lives. Understand that’s no way to live. God created us to enjoy life and be content regardless of the external circumstances.

The secret to living life happy is finding your joy in the Lord. Every day is a precious gift from God filled with blessings. The question is do you notice them? Don’t be so busy waiting to be happy that you miss the blessings God has right in front of you. Choose to live your life happy now.

Amen to that.

It’s all the seemingly little things that add up to a heck of lot of goodness and joy.

When you read that, doesn’t that make you feel thankful? What are you thankful for today? (my attempt at loosely following along with being thankful, as my sister blogged about, for this month)

 

Of PMS, routine, and devotion.

I don’t know about you ladies (sorry boys, this sentence won’t relate to you, though maybe you can relate…) but when I have PMS, not only am I irritable, bloated and grumpy (at times), I’m also super tired. Combine that with lack of routine and that’s a great combination for an uber frustrated me.

You know I like routine. I crave it. And sometimes, it keeps me sane and balanced. Sure, sometimes it should be thrown out the window in favor of balance, but there is something to be said for being free to do the routine you want – working out when you want to, sleeping more if you are tired, and generally having some “me” time to catch up on blogs, DVR and hey, a face mask and primping once in awhile.

Lately, I’ve had no routine. It’s been thrown out the window in favor of caring for our sister Jen (and my sister Jess has taken the brunt of it moreso, given Jen is currently recovering at her house), which has been absolutely what we are all dedicated to, want to do, and are devoted to doing for her. It’s been rewarding, seeing her improve, helping her get to her appointments and having some much-needed sister time, not to mention getting to cuddle with such an uber cutie in our niece Isabel.

Compounding my “baby duty” days/nights for Jen is seeing Doctor Boy during the week and on weekends, when we can. Of course I absolutely love spending time with him, but at the same time, it impacts my routine. A routine I am learning to find ways to weave him into, such as on weekend runs, and making meals together, and just enjoying that time together…perhaps letting him into that “me” time, too, right? Embracing.

But the lack of routine in recent weeks has been taking a toll on me. I crave my routine and my workouts when I want them (rather than when I can squeeze them in), and partially because I’ve had one too many “fat days” lately (please refer back to aforementioned PMS and bloating for part of the reason for that!) which is doubly frustrating since I’m also trying to talk negatively about myself (please refer to my sister’s fab post on this very topic!).

But at the end of the day, what matters most is this: Jen’s recovery, aiding Jess (and my mom) in caring for Jen and Isabel, and the rest will fall back into place little by little. And, hey, if seeing Doctor Boy means switching up my routine, I say bring it on!

So, PMS and fat days, you can shove it.

Routine, you’ll be back.

And, devotion, you’re alive and strong and it makes it all worthwhile.

Now, I’m off to baby duty night one of two. Wish me luck and sleepy baby 🙂

 

“A baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.”

Phew. I totally missed quote Friday this week, so I’m going for a ‘quote Saturday’ today…why, you ask?

Baby! It was my first 24 hour ‘baby duty’ helping Jen get through the night with Isabel’s feedings and all day on Friday, to her appointments and such. Thus, today’s quote:

“A baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.”

I have to admit, I was really nervous on Thursday to have my first solo ‘baby duty’ with Jen, feeling a bit high-strung, stressed and hoping it would go smoothly and I’d be able to help calm Isabel when she cried, feed her, change her, and burp her, and it felt a lot more daunting than I thought. And I wanted to show Jen I could do it and give her the help she needs as she continues her recovery (5 weeks and counting…).

But when I look into Isabel’s eyes, and see the wonderment, flashes of a smile and contentment in the midst of tears and needs and wants, I can see how much she signifies new beginnings and possibilities for Jen, and for our family, as we continue to band together and give her all of the support she needs right now (in more ways than one).

She’s worth it. The tiredness. The stress. It’s all worth it.

And seeing Jen continue her recovery is almost more worth it. Going to her wound care appointment yesterday, she was hoping for continued improvement (and meanwhile I was worrying about keeping Isabel calm during the hour long appointment) and wow, did God come through in spades.

She’s now rid of her wound care vac WEEKS early! She just has to continue packing it a bit (with our help, er, Doctor Boy’s?! Hehe) for a few weeks, but she no longer is tethered to the vac, and tubes and in constant pain. She’s healing, and healing much faster than we all expected. And she’s elated at the progress. I don’t think I’ve seen her smile bigger than that in a long time.

And Isabel slept in my arms for almost two hours, and then slept another hour in the car. She was an angel for me. I was floored, but relieved, and really enjoyed watching her sleep, cooing, holding on to my fingers and nuzzling up to me. I felt like I gained her trust and Jen’s in helping care for Isabel, and am feeling much better about my ‘baby duty’ rounds this week.

I just can’t help but think how much Isabel signifies the possibilities that lie ahead…for Jen, for me, for our family, in many ways. I think as 2010 starts coming to a close, 2011 has big things in store for all of us.

I’m feeling blessed.